I have spent much thought on nothing recently. However, these countless hours were not wasted at all. I have recently proven to myself that there is indeed a desire to leave humanity with something great and grand.
There is a hunger in all of humanity to leave something great and grand. It may not necessarily be good in the usual sense, but in the eyes of the one who left it it may be good. Take for example genocide, it's not really "good" and in fact falls in the category of "morally reprehensible" but for those who have committed it, especially for those who planned it and ordered it, it may be good. Thus some people continue to do what are widely considered innately evil things, with a possible view that such acts are in fact good and will better humanity in the long run.
This now takes me back to what I want to do.
I just want to leave a legacy that will make all the university students go "that's someone who I want to be." I want to leave this world smiling and leave the world something to smile about as well. In the past I was able to witness several of my school's distinguished alumni entering the hallowed halls to discuss something important with the dean. I was joking around with a friend that ten maybe twenty years from now students will see us walk through that entrance and say "napaka-corrupt niya." We were making light of the situation but this is what normally happens to people who aspire to be "great", they end chasing paper instead of their dreams. So I'm pretty sure I don't want to fall down the wayside while I'm looking for something to give to the human race.
Several years prior to that day, I was back in college, I was having my final examination in Organizational Behavior. I kept blabbering on what I wanted to be, my teacher Father Candelaria, S.J., cut me off and said "you have what most college students have, a goal, but you do not have a plan." He continued to expound on what the problem with that is. I still remember that room in the Jesuit Residence to this day.
Still, I have no plan on how to become great, just the goal of becoming great and leaving the future generations with something. That's still a step in the right direction I think. More later.